How to say tom's translation is too focused on the rhythm of english translation, and ignores the nuances of the original. in Japanese

1)トムの訳は、英語としてのリズムを意識しすぎて、原文のニュアンスをないがしろにしている。error newjap[トムの訳は、英語としてのリズムを意識しすぎて、原文のニュアンスをないがしろにている。] did not equal oldjap[トムの訳は、英語としてのリズムを意識しすぎて、原文のニュアンスをないがしろにしている。] Splitting トム... split to トム and Splitting ... split to and Splitting ... split to and Splitting ... split to and Splitting ... split to and Splitting としての... split to として and の saving [として] to rollovers[0][7] Splitting しすぎて... split to し and すぎて saving [し] to rollovers[0][12] Splitting すぎて... split to すぎて and Splitting ... split to and Splitting ... split to and Splitting ... split to and Splitting ないがしろにしている... split to ない and がしろにしている saving [ない] to rollovers[0][20] Splitting がしろにしている... split to が and しろにしている saving [が] to rollovers[0][21] Splitting しろにしている... split to し and ろにている saving [し] to rollovers[0][22] Splitting ろにている... split to ろにている and Splitting ... split to and    
tomu no wake ha 、 eigo toshiteno rizumu wo ishiki shisugite 、 genbun no nyuansu wonaigashironishiteiru 。
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Translation by tommy_san
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